The Diary Of A RivitHead: What the fuck.

Nothing seems to be working how it should. I feel so cluttered.  Want to get out of this place. I want to seclude myself from everyone and everything. I want to escape. I want to fucking break something. I feel violent. I feel.. unstable. I don't like this. I hate not being in control of myself. I hate things not working. I hate fucking everything right now. I'm trying to fight this depression and its just making everything worse. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take this shitty life any more. Where the fuck is that greatness everyone said they saw in me when I was younger? where the fuck is motivation? where is peace? I feel like I'm finally hitting the point in life where I might need to be fucking hospitalized. I keep getting these moments of time where I don't feel.. right. Like I'm close enough to the edge of sanity that all I have to do is take a step off the fucking edge to lose myself.

You know that moment right before you cry, that strange pressure, like the whole world is going to come to and end. I've felt like like that every fucking day for the past week and now its just making me angry. I feel shaky, I cant sleep, everything is so fucking irritating. I can't focus on anything for to long and I space out way to much. Last night, I started to get paranoid about so many things. I'm trying so hard not to break everything around me. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know a way to fix it. But its something I told myself I'd never do it again..