Diary Of A RivitHead: Somtimes you just gotta laugh...

My life seemed to be going in a positive direction once again. Small shimmers of hope seemed to fill my eyes, I felt lucky, I felt like everything was finally working itself out. I was out, hanging with my roommate (rabid) and his older brother, and we found a skateboard. I was so happy when we got it. To me (at the time) it represented a change, luck, something to do during my times of nothingness. I found a place that was having paid experimental depression drug testing (money is money). I found a place where I could get my cat fixed, microchipped, and vaccinated for free (after licensing) which would me I finally was able to have my cat move in with me. And to make things even better I reunited with an old friend from middle school, who I haven't seen in 6 years. Then everything went wrong...

I should have taken it as a sign or something when it turned out I was to late to get my cat in on the special deal, but decided to continue looking for some place else I could get him fixed for cheap, my dad said he'll pay for it (it was my sister who payed, my dad drove me). When I got to the clinic with my Nails (Nails is the name of my cat) then even offered him a free flea bath. Later on that day when I took him home he was so restless, it didn't help that he was high and in a place he's never been before so he started feaking out. it took me a few hours to calm him down, I even put him back in the kennel but he somehow busted the door off, eventually he calmed down. I lefted my room and came back maybe 30 - 40mins later and couldn't find him so I freaked out and I eventually found him on my selves behind my cloths. I had to give him medicine for the next week, which I hated doing, sneaking it in his food or forcing it in his mouth, I just hate the feeling of drugging my cat.

The next day (after I brought home Nails) I wanted to skate so I did just that, only while I was coasting down hill my board started to wobble and my foot rolled on the board and I fell. The first thing I did take off my boot (which I shouldn't have been wearing in the first place) and tried to wiggle my toes, they moved so I though I was in the clear, my foot still hurt a lot but I was able to walk on it so I walked for a block and rested at my roommates work. The foot swelled up and I wasn't able to walk on it so I called my other roommate to bring me down something to help me walk up the hill (all we had was a walker), a 5 or 7 blocks doesn't seem bad but the hill gets pretty steep as you get further up it, and I was pretty much hopping all the way up it. So I figured it was a sprain. After a week on not walking on it and properly taking care of it, I thought I'd be able to walk on it, wrong. I fell back on the couch. I had a sudden idea and found out my big toe was moving the rest of my toes, all my other toes weren't. I went to a clinic, they sent me to a hospital to take my xrays, the man who took them said my doctor should have it in a day. I called the clinic and they wont be able too look at it for 2 weeks.

So.. I can't give my cat proper attention seeing that I have to pretty but crawl everywhere, can't find a job that would hire someone with a broken foot, cant make it up a steep hill in downtown Seattle for the testing. Again... I am in a fucked up situation.

I don't I could take this, my life fucking me over every chance it gets. Giving me hope then taking it away, leaving me even more fucked up. I wish I could just make everything go away.