The Diary Of A RivitHead: Love [p.3]

This is the tird part of my "love stories" (obviously). Again, Start at the first and work your way twards this one.

Second chances in a relationship seem to be way to understand a feeling between segnifigent others (not including off and on couples). I see that the only way you can realy have a second chance it to litterally break up and not contact eachother for months or years with out even thinking about being together. During this break the indivual would find out flaws that they may have had (unless their ignorant as fuck). Sometimes the flaws are fixed, other times worsened. Usual the secound chance is the last time the couple will attempt to work out. If you couldn't fix it the first time around, why waste your time for another.


The Flower [final]:
I was reaching my end with my vocational schooling, maybe 4 months or less and I forgot how exactly but some how the flower and I got started talking again (via sms) and had a few laughs. I was bored, horny, probly just drank about 5 pots of black coffee to myself, and I decided to start flirting. I starting telling her of all the dirty little things I wanted to do to her. I also got her to send me picture of her tits.

I never understood it but I always had a thing for girls with smaller tits, not flat cheasted, just smaller. She told me not to show anyone, but I couldn't help it, I showed a few people. During the brief month before I started talking to her again (right after the dancer and I called it quits), I started having some time to figure myself out. I just kinda hated everyone and I only needed friends for entertanment purposes. I grew cold and kinda became a dick, I was still nice to people, but I didn't care for romance, didn't want it. Anyways back to the story...

We (the flower ans I) whent on for about a week or so, talking about how we just wanted fuck eachother blah, blah blah. It eventually came down to her liking me again and we should get together. So, fuckit, we where dating again. A strange part of me just wanted to ruin her for how she hurt me, but the rest of me just brushed that off and wanted some head. About a week before I was able to get some time off from my labor camp (Vocation school), she said she loved me, and I replied "Already, so soon?", she told me "why not" and I was just like "no reason, it just seems a bit early for you to say that." she mentioned that it was easier cuz we use to be together. I just said "okay, I'm glad you said it first, love you too." I didn't feel it.

So I got to hang with her, and we fucked over and over. I started having feelings for her. The next chance I got, her mother was gonna leave for a week. I stayed over for about 5 days, and we where like bunnies. we'd eat, play, sleep, and fuck (alot), in her moms bed, on the couch, floors, chairs, shower, behind a dumpster (lol, she didn't think I'd fuck her outside so I had to prove her wrong), She was probablly one of the funnest person I ever slept with. Her body was perfect and fit me so well.

We eventually just broke up. She didn't really change, it just took her longer to turn back to how she was. Constanly complaning, never saying anything or being brief about everything. She told me she wanted to break up because we never get to see eachother and it would take to long before I got out of my school. I thougt to myself, I was gonna be out in a month (obviously there was another person in line). We continued talking afterwords. She just became a bitch so I saaid to hell with it and just stopped talking to her as much. She started having this guy (That I don't like and already dislike becouse of the last time her and I where together), and he started blowing up my phone with hateful words and atepmed antagonistic text messeges. I just decided to stop txting her completely.

A few words got out, She became a stripper, she started dating that one guy (I think it lasted for a week or so) and he still had to pay for a lap dance (I could have got it for free with a happy ending). She texted me one day, obviously trying to sture something up, she ended up turning it in to a "pitty me" situation, so I tried to wooh her. The convcersation turned in to her confessing she cheated on me mutlipule times, blah blah blah, I stopped listening. I was almost out of jobcorp so I didn't bother to pay my phone bill and I bought a new phone.

Do I love her? Fuck no. I can never love, trust, or care for anyone who cheats on me. I stay loyal I expect nothing less. If she asked, would I get back together with her? Sometimes I think I would want to, theres still that part of me that would alway want to hold her hand again, and I think its cuase I enjoy the pain of how it will end. Sadly after her I became completely numbed. I cant think of feeling love or compassion, it seems to be just memories that I laugh at. I see couples looking happy and I feel sick, not in that I miss it, more like I just eat something horrible and my stomach is comming out of my throat. My last chance to love was with her, and its all just a joke to me now.