The Diary Of A RivitHead: Breathing

Its such a strange thing thing to think about. Everything living in some way or another beathes. Sometimes I find myself reminding me to do so. I notice I wont be taking in oxygen, and it would become diffcult for me to swallow it. Not like asthma or anything, more like my body just forgets, and it becomes hard for it to proscess the air, so I have to keep reminding myself. I always find it funny when I remind myself to breathe because then I question how long its been since I haven't taken in a breath. Sometimes I even start gasping for air at random. I've also noticed that my paulse sometimes is very difficult to find. I've had trained medical proffetions even comment on it to me. Once they find it, its very strong, but just like air in my body it seems to dissapear as it pleases.

Another thing that comes and goes is my vocabulary, at times I could be saying words that I dont understand yet makes complete sence in the content I aply it tward, other times I could only come up with dull, ancreative and boring boring words. I wish this never came a left as it wishes. Theres been so many times where I needed to say or use words which required those skills and they just.. weren't there. Of course if I could keep my vocabulary at my peek of speach, all the time, I'd be producing hundreds of poems a day, or even finally complete a book (sadly I can never really get passed the first or secound chapter without getting bored or off track with the storyline).

There are so many things that bother me. Large groups of people (outside of shows), New car smell (makes me nausios), My spelling, Me, Increadibly hot weather, Sun (very rarely I enjoy it), Argument (besides playful ones), Sympithetic/serious conversation (I can get sympathetic or sirious at times but for the most part I hate heart to hearts), Romance (I just find it descusting these days), Children (most of them; germ infested deseas prone, gross, nasty, waste of lives), Marylin Manson (I fucking hate, even though I have a friend who loves him), Bugs/insects (thier just gross and they make me itch when I think about them), Sluty girls that dont put out (come on..[kidding with this one]), Missing a daily shower (I miss taking 3 a day), Un-semetrical things, overly organized thing, unorganized things, waking up, sleeping, eating (as much as I love food I hate risking gettin fat), getiting dirty, Having to run or walk for long distances in steel-toed boots, large breasted women, things/people taller then me (makes me insecure, sometimes its nice though), being away from a city for too long (kinda getting use to it, but it turns me into an alcoholic computer whore), paper (sometimes), an artist named gunther (something like that), getting shy around pretty girls (fucking hate it), when I start feeling like a goth, the misconseption of goth-emo-punk-rivithed, when good bands break up before producing multiple albums (chamber 502[sadface]), when bands get a new singer-changes their music style-but keeps thier name (ALICE IN CHAINS!!!), Nine Inch Nails not touring (I never got to see them live), when people try producing or talking about drama while I'm drunk, friends getting mad at me, family asking me to do something and I lie because its something stupid and I need time to do my stuff, Big burritos from gas stations (so tasty, yet horrible ending), interscope/island records (idk why I just dont like them), stupid poeple who don't understand music culture and only listen to what shity stuff they play on the radio, getting sticky (...i hate it), trying to play an insterment infront of poeple who I could never be half as skilled as, trying to type something when I'm tried and fucking up 4 times in a row even though I'm typing slow, trying to talk to people I dont know, whyen poeple I dont know comes to talk to me and I cant think of anything to say bhut wanting to be social, hornyness, phantoms, poor people who are fat (if they stop eating so much, they'd lose weight and save money), when people say I'm skinny (fuck that, I'm 247lbs, I got a gut, I'm far from skinny), lack of perfection, poeple who think thier pretty even thought they are ugly as fuck, internet lag, ugh tons of other stuff too, but I haven't slept since 9 o'clock am yesterday and its 8 am now so I should go to sleep and turn off Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble Of Shadows (thier keeping me up for some reason). Goodnight world, hope you post apocolyptic morning is wounderful.