The Diary Of A RivitHead: My First Steps.. Pretty Hate Machine

The first industrial album I ever heard was Pretty Hate Machine by Nine Inch Nails. Something about this album put me in a trance like state. The vocals, the lyrics, the music in all its splendor, I found myself listening to this album for days. 'Til this day, Nine Inch Nails remains my all time favorite band.

I remember when I first saw the CD. I was searching through my mothers CD collection and the black, blue and purple design. The reversed "n"s. I thought to myself how neat does it look. So I popped it in a stereo and gave it a listen. First track, Head Like A Hole.. My body felt like it was in a sea of awe. I couldn't stop listening. Track after track, I continued to remain in my comma state of ecstasy. It was kinda like a drug, it was like love. I remember having the thought in my mind "steal it, take it from your mother", I never did. It felt wrong to steal something so amazing.

I talked to my mother about the CD later, she told me she bought the wrong album. She wanted to buy was the album Cleansing by Prong. What a difference. I thought to myself, she must have been an idiot for getting the two mixed up.

Still, I started to explore the industrial scene. I found bands such as KMFDM, Marylyn Manson (I fucking hate!), David Bowie, Ministry and Rod Zombi. It wasn't until I was 15 when I started getting into heavier electronic music. I found a site called vampirefreaks.com, so many bands. I loved it.

Around age 17 I declared Metropolis Records as my favorite record compony. So many great musicians have came from there, such as KMFDM.

Age 17, finally had sex. In a strange way it was more like rape. My friend was pissed at me for never fucking so she got one of her friends to have sex with me. Didn't want it, but I went with it so my friend wouldn't think I pussied out or something. Granted I've tried before, but I honestly couldn't fit in the girl I was with. After that I had a reputation amongst my friends and some of the street kids I use to hang out with, about the size of my cock, got it a nickname too. I was a very closed person when it came to sex. Even though everyone said I shouldn't be with my size. I still feel uncomfortable about the topic, but I'm more open now then when I was 17.

I remember my first crush on an industrial Girl. Her name was Faust. My god was she a beaute. It took me about 2 months to get her to notice me. Mostly because I was too shy or the only time I had courage to talk to her, she was drunk. Eventually we became pretty good "friends". At least on my half, I thought we had something going only we never really did anything about it. Some bloodplay here and there and we madeout quite a bit. I think we almost had sex a few times too, but never actually did it. (I'm a loser like that). She taught me a lot about industrial and her own opinion on things as well. I respected her opinion and who she was. I still remember almost every moment I had with her, drinking under a bridge, hanging out at the stage, and the Combichrist concert Me and a friend took her to. I miss this girl so much. She was a great friend and influence in my life.

My first industrial concert: Combichrist @ El Corazon. Fucking amazing!! The opening band, Imperative Reaction, they where so great. I absolutely loved them. It took me a year or two to finally find them. I don't know why though. The next band was Modulate.. I didn't care much for them. Then Combichrist came in Andy LaPlegua lit up the room, people where getting kicked out left and right for moshing (lame, I know). My buddy William, he's a big guy and he had like two, maybe three girls grinding on him that night. I think I had one, who then moved her way to Will... (to my defence she was grinding on a few people and she wasnt all that pretty). I didn't care to much about the girls when I was there, I got some looks like I usually do but I ignore just to the simple fact my self-esteem is low. It was the most amazing show I've ever seen.

Shortly after I made the worst, yet best choice of my life: Job Corp.
Culumbia Basin Job Corp, more like Government Concentration Camp. I hated it there, I wasted two years of my life and for what? a few new friends and a piece of paper that says I can weld.. Which I suck at. I lost my street rep. I lost alot of friends (some whom I'm still trying to get a hold of). My father lost his job. Uncle had some heart problems. It seems like the world I left behind me went to shit in a hand basket. Then when the training's all over I go back to this place I once called home. Fucking shame.

What next?