The Diary Of A RivitHead: Love [p1]

I've been in love, by this age most people would have. I've been in love many times. It seems like every girl I've ever "loved" cheated on me in some way or another. Some more then others, some worse then others. But nonetheless it wasn't pleasant. Its seems with each relationship I get into I somehow changed from the last one. I seem to trust more, even though I know its going to end badly. It could be the girls I choose. It could just be me. I never feel like I put enough into a relationship. And as hard as I try, I always feel as if I was the one to blame for the fall.

The princess:
My first actual "love", I guess. We where together for almost a year, an off and on relationship. 15 and in love. I was fairly obsessive, and pretty jealous. Both qualities that led to the down fall. the part that killed it was when we went to a pow-wow together, (she was native),The day was going well. Until I went away to use a restroom or something, and I remember coming out of the restroom and find her and a guy talking the guy was obviously hitting on her. And instead of doing anything, like mention she had a boy friend, she got his number. Hah, she told me that being upset about that was meaningless. So I listened to her. Sure enough they started hanging out and whatnot. So eventually my jealousy got the best of me and we broke up officially.

- we've recently started talking again and we are friends.. kinda, I have no feelings for her besides that of being friends.

The Flower:
I met her though my best friend. I saw her picture as my friend was going through a friendlist or something online and said she was hot and should try hooking us up. Well she was on my friendlist for awhile but I got into the whole ecstasy scene and for about a year lost myself. I actually don't remember six months of it, My friend said I was pretty fucked up. Then me and "The Flower" started talking. She started to like me. We dated for a solid six months. We had some ups and downs, (my depression worsened as I got older), but I always seemed happy when I could get her to smile. She was like a dream, She had the looks I always wanted in a girl, when I was able to make her happy I had a lot of fun, And her kisses, oh her kisses where just amazing.

One day I tried to hang out with her but she was always busy. She just so happened to be free after weeks of me waiting, and she wasn't hanging out with me, instead she went off to go drink with a guy I wouldn't trust with my best friend. when I finally met up with them I had already said somethings I shouldn't have. Calling her names and assuming things. She was crying, so hurt she couldn't even look at me. she ran off some where, I felt horrible and ran in the opposite direction. I grabbed a razor I just so happened to have on me (use to cut alot when I was younger, I'll explain later), and I didnt attentionaly make the marks as deep as I did, but it was bad. It took me about 30 seconds to soak a bandana in blood.

Earlier that evening I took anxiety pills, didn't kick in until the blood loss. About 15 minutes into it, my friend who was with me finally got a hold of them (the flower and the untrustworthy guy), and we met them at a McDonalds. An ambulance was called people who weren't evolved in the situation where freaking by my arm. She, the flower, was crying and telling me never to do this again, saying she loved me (ha). When I got to the hospital somehow they got a story mixed up and though she cut me. I told em what happened. I forgot to mention this was during one of our anniversaries. I don't remember what month.

The flower stopped talking to me as much after then, for about two weeks. I figured we where going no where. I was hanging with someone I've only had lustful feeling with and we kissed, a small kiss, that my best friend soon interrupted. The closest  had ever got to cheating and I felt discusted with myself and went home. It didn't take long for me to tell flower what happened, she wasn't happy.

I went to jobcorp. The flower and I where still together and just eventually broke up cause of arguments and long distance relationship.

-[more to come about her]

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The next few are long ones so I'm gonna save it for another post.. That and I need a creative name for the next girl.